From today’s G&M, a tall of woe in the Province of Ontario. Financial columnist Neil Reynolds tells us that we’re ten times worse off than Californians!:

     Now, let’s see. According to the state treasurer, who should know, California (population 36.4 million) has sovereign debt of $60-billion (U.S.) – $1,650 per person. Investors rate California’s 10-year bonds as slightly less risky than Croatia’s. Reputable academic analysts anticipate bankruptcy. (As Bill Watkins, director of the Center for Economic Research and Forecasting at California Lutheran University, put it: “California is now more likely to default than it is not to default.” )

     On the other hand, Ontario (population 13 million) has debt of $220-billion (Canadian) – $16,900 per person – an economy with roughly one-third the people and roughly 10 times the per-capita debt. California would need more than $600-billion (U.S.) in debt to equal Ontario. So why does no one appear fussed by Ontario’s record-setting accumulation of debt?

Reynolds focuses on what is the worst reality of our big government ways:

     Ontario must now borrow more and more to accomplish less and less. It takes some sophistication to conceal this divergence. Ontario’s effective interest rate – the rate it pays, on average, on all of its debt – is 4.5 per cent. Interest payments will thus cost the province $10-billion (Canadian) this year on its $220-billion debt. Ontario needs half its deficit to make its interest payments.

     In 2000, Ontario’s effective interest rate was much higher (8 per cent), its debt much lower ($114-billion). In 2000, interest payments cost $8.8-billion. Ontario, in other words, has used low interest rates to finance higher debt. Any increase in interest rates now will have profoundly disturbing consequences. Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty conceded the other day (in another context) that his government has made “some mistakes.” Really? D’ya think?

Full G&M article can be read here :

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/commentary/neil-reynolds/ontario-like-california-going-for-broke/article1684035/

Ontario peach growers produce more than 10 million baskets

of peaches during the 10-week growing season that starts in

July and runs through September. 

And did you know that 90% of the province of Ontario’s

peaches are grown in Niagara?

Here are some facts about the Niagara Region and this tasty fruit:

• In 1779, peaches were harvested at the mouth of the Niagara River for local consumption.
• In the mid-1780s, Peter Secord, the uncle of Laura Secord, was believed to be the first Loyalist farmer, taking a land grant near Niagara to plant fruit trees. Ontario peaches, pears and plums have been thriving in the area ever since.
• In 1792, Lady Simcoe, wife of the King’s representative for British North America, wrote in her diary that she had 3 standard peach trees that helped provide her with treats over the winter.
• In 1860, the menu at a dinner for the Prince of Wales noted that Brown’s peaches would be served. (Joseph and John Brown are said to have had the first commercial orchard in Niagara.)
• In 1865, the price of a bushel of Crawford peaches was $4.00 (poorer varieties from $2-$3.00); pears cost $1.50 -$2.00 a bushel; and plums cost $3 -$4.00 a bushel.
• By 1875, there were 375,000 peach trees in Ontario (not one of those varieties remains today).
• In 1930, local pilots flew Yellow Sun peaches via Montreal to England for the Prince of Wales.

Source:  http://www.stcatharinesstandard.ca/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=2723741

A friend of mine just started his own business making land mines that look like prayer mats.  It’s doing well, he says… prophets are going through the roof.

(Thank you Dick Inwood for continuously making me laugh out loud!)

Statistics are from a SAS/Leger Marketing survey conducted in early 2010.  

SOURCE:  http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=3409933

Through the summer at CG&A COMM, we’re collecting motivational and inspirational quotes for an electronic publication to be released this November. By George Journal is asking, “What are your favourite motivational and inspirational quotes?”

We invite our readers to send your favourite quotes and stories. Reply to this post - or send an e-mail to Chris George at chris@cgacommunications.com

And if you are reading and enjoying By George Journal, you’ll also enjoy By George Treasury – a compilation taken from more than one thousand past By George articles. The book includes lists of some of the most remarkable quotations, classic wordplay, puns and quizzes, editorials, the best of the humour over the years, and the 15-most popular feature articles to have appeared in the publication.

Here’s how to order your By George Treasury:

http://cgacommunications.com/main/?page_id=32#2

One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.  Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing.  He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.  Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

The moral of the story:  Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

And so, the donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had  tried to bury him.  The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

And the corollary to this moral: When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

(ed. – Thanks goes again to Dick Inwood) 

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question.. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question:  What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high, as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first. The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur’s closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.  So, he refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.  He said nothing was too big a sacrifice compared to Arthur’s life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur’s question thus:  What a woman really wants,” she answered…”is to be in charge of her own life.”

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur’s life would be spared. And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lie before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer – her beauty during the day or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

The moral to this story: If you don’t let a woman have her own way, things can get awfully ugly.

(ed. – Many thanks goes to our friend Dick Inwood, who keeps us laughing with his regular witty e-mails.)

American’s “#1 Favourite Morning Personality” – Regis Philbin on his life’s lessons.

• I understand the psychology of the average guy because that’s who I am.
• I grew up in a house trailer in North Carolina with no indoor plumbing. You never forget the rainy, cold days when you’d have to go so badly and the only place was outside to the privy. Likewise, you never forget the real hot summer days, either. It was quite odorific, let me tell you.
• No regrets. None. Not even the beatings when I was a child. I used those to learn and grow and benefit. I saw how dysfunctional marriages work and was not going to have one. And I don’t. Linda and I have probably had five or six arguments in our thirty-eight years of marriage.
• You have to learn from everything. It’s like the old expression: If it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger. That’s really true – if you work at it.
• I’m opinionated. I’m a disciplinarian. I’m real big on respect. I was on the road a lot. And I’m sure when I was home, the kids wanted me back on the road.
• I never met a man who was better than me. At the same time, I’m no better than anyone I’ve ever met.
• The world is a complex place. Very complex. Often you will find that the people you think are the good guys aren’t. And the people portrayed as the bad guys aren’t that bad. I’m not necessarily saying they’re good. But they’re not that bad. They’re misunderstood.
• When you can’t fathom, that’s God.
• If I could meet anybody, it’d be Martin Luther King Jr. I’d like to know what it was like to be him. He was without a doubt one of the greatest orators of all time. He took such risks – unfortunately, the ultimate risk – for what he believed in. he changed America a lot, and all for the better. I’m not saying he was a saint. None of us are.
• When you can thrill an audience, it’s second only to being able to cure a disease.
• Giving it to the audience is probably the easiest thing to do. Finding out what they truly want is probably the most difficult.
• I don’t work. My work is not work. I love what I do.

From a 2005 Esquire magazine column “What I’ve learned”

The Yankee great on baseball, Yogi-isms and, well, the moniker “Yogi.”

• If I didn’t make it in baseball, I won’t have made it workin’. I didn’t like to work.
• For Christmas, I asked dad, “I want a baseball bat, a glove, and a ball.” He said, “Which one of the three do ya want?”
• I told my dad, “Dad, you realize if your other two sons had played ball, you’da been a millionaire.” He said, “Blame your mother.”
• You don’t have to swing hard to hit a home run. If you got the timing, it’ll go.
• It don’t have to be a perfect pitch. If you see it good, swing at it. But if you can’t hit it, lay off it.
• New York is always the place to play.
• When I caught, I’d look at the hitter, the way he strides. He strides in, then ya get the ball inside to him. I watched ‘em pretty good.
• Joe was the best player I ever saw. He didn’t do anything wrong. DiMaggio I never saw slide. He just was there. It’s funny – I never seen him slide for a ball. He run the bases good. Every damn thing…
• I was playin’ American Legion Baseball. Bobby Hoffman, used to play with the Giants, we were on the same team. We never had dugouts. We’re sittin’ on the ground. I always had my legs crossed and my arms folded. Bobby said, “You look like a yogi.” And it stuck.
• My wife, she calls me Yogi. If she calls me Lawrence, I know she’s mad at me.
• A lot of guys go, “Hey Yogi, say a Yogi-ism.” I tell ‘em, “I don’t know any.” They want me to make one up. I don’t make ‘em up. I don’t even know when I say it. They’re the truth. And it is the truth. I don’t know.
• I get a kick out of some guys. They look at ya and say, “You look like Yogi Berra.” I say, “Yeah, a lotta people tell me that.”

From a 2001 Esquire magazine column “What I’ve learned”

This humourist list and many more funny stories and jokes can be found in the By George Treasury. Order your copy here:

http://cgacommunications.com/main/?page_id=32#2